For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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