I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so much tequila, so little girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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