I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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