so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i have two assholes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize