so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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