Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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