and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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