She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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