So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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