Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize