I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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