THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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