I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize