Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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