How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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