How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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