I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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