why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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