Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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