i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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