Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize