Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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