my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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