When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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