answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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