Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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