if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize