And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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