You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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