Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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