WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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