Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
In America we eat man semen.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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