cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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