Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize