my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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