she woke up with a sticky ear
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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