it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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