Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize