Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize