I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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