Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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