Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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