I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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