My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize