i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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