Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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