Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize