every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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