Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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