Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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